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So, I saw at Shakesville a video and transcript by a deeply conservative, apparently Catholic, fundamentalist, asserting that if you use condoms, you will not be Raptured. This guy calls himsel the "Third Eagle of the Apocalypse", and insists he is "Co-Prophet of the End Times". Several responses come to mind. First off, "Third Eagle of the Apocalypse" would be an awesome name for a heavy metal band. Or else an album. I could see Manowar, or maybe Mythic Slaughterbeast, putting out an album with that name. Second, what the hell is with the fundie hate for contraception and disease prevention? Is their manhood so threatened by the idea of not putting their "holy spirit" in every possible woman that they have to ruin everything for the rest of us? (Rhetorical question. Of course, the answer is yes.) But last, and more importantly, those silly fundie Christians who misread their Bibles! There's nothing about a "rapture"! What they're waiting for is the RUPTURE. That's when God will take all the people, of all faiths, who believe that they are God's speshul snowflakes, and that this gives them license to behave badly towards others, and assume them bodily into the heavens. Not Heaven, but the heavens. As in, low Earth orbit. They will not be given any special means to survive in hard vacuum, however. That's why it's called "the Rupture". And it can't come soon enough. Tags: humor, politics, wtf mate?
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Dubbug: *dead* Flewellyn: Hi bug! Flewellyn: Why are you dead? Dubbug: why not? Flewellyn: Because dead is bad? Dubbug: no, then I ccan be undead Flewellyn: Oh. Flewellyn: Brains? Dubbug: no Dubbug: I don't got brains Dubbug: peaaaaas Flewellyn: I mean, do you want brains? Dubbug: *eat all your peas* Tags: chat transcripts, dubbug, humor
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Dubbug: how's flew? Flewellyn: Pretty good. Flewellyn: I had good dinner. Dubbug: ooo Dubbug: turkey? Flewellyn: Nope. Flewellyn: Hungarian goulash. Dubbug: GHOULS!??!?!!? Flewellyn: No, goulash. Flewellyn: It's a kind of beef gravy dish. Dubbug: it's not even hallowe'en yet!!! Dubbug: wha?! Flewellyn: With paprika. Dubbug: ghouls aren't made of beef you know...? Flewellyn: This has nothing to do with ghouls. Flewellyn: It's just a coincidence of spelling. Dubbug: erk Dubbug: I doubt it! Dubbug: I bet it was some sneaky secret thing waaaaaaay back Dubbug: and ppl just forgot it Dubbug: ...or the secret managed to NOT leak, for once Flewellyn: You absurd bug. Dubbug: am not! Flewellyn: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GoulashDubbug: I am most definately not a bean curd! Dubbug: wait...absurd? Dubbug: what's that? Flewellyn: It means very silly. Dubbug: oh, definately not that, either Dubbug: CAULDRON! Flewellyn: Yup. Dubbug: it's HAS to have ghouls in it NOW! Dubbug: a WITCH MADE ITTTTT Flewellyn: Witches can make perfectly good food, you know. Dubbug: so? Dubbug: I never said ghouls were not tastey Flewellyn: Hmm. Dubbug: I just never had them before Tags: chat transcripts, dubbug, humor
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Okay, so I'm not a huge fan of fanfic. I like writing stuff, and I like reading stuff...but I prefer to write stuff about my OWN stuff. I will gladly be inspired by the works of others, but I want to make my own plots, my own settings, and my own characters. It's just a thing. I'm also not usually fond of reading fanfic. I've made some exceptions, but most of the time I am not interested. I find, in particular, the idea of crossovers to be hideously wrong. To me, it doesn't make sense to mix together two fictional worlds, which have different assumptions and serve different narrative needs. But, doing so humorously can be a delightful bit of evil fun, and so I have lately found myself trying to think of the worst possible crossover ideas ever. Paul T. Riddell, former sci-fi and comics writer, came up with my first entry: Absolutely Fabulous/Farscape. Here are some of my own: - The Shield/Diff'rent Strokes
- Stargate SG-1/My Little Pony
- Hellraiser/Care Bears
- Aliens/Harry Potter (whence the post title)
and
- Silent Hill/Sesame Street
If any of you have any other ideas, I dread welcome them in comments! EDIT: One more: A Midsummer Night's Dream/Night of the Living Dead. Tags: humor, sheer diabolical evil
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Okay, so a friend started one of her posts with "It's time to change the layout." Nothing too earth-shattering, but the cadence of that sentence must have excited the hamster in my head, because it started running on its wheel and got the little gears turning in my brain. And so, from somewhere in there, this came out. It's sung to the tune of the "Muppet Show" theme: t's time to change the layout
It's time to choose hilights
It's time to tweak the spacing in my LJ style tonight!
It's time to select backgrounds
It's time to design right
It's time to customize themes in my LJ style tonight!
Why do we always change things?
I guess we'll never know
It's like a kind of torture
To edit S2 code!
And now let's get things styled
Why don't we get things styled
It's time to get things styled
In my most layoutified, brightly colorified, HTMLified, CSS-stylified,
This is what I call my LJ styyyyle!Tags: filk, humor, sheer diabolical evil
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Okay, the latest Freeper/Birther/Obama's-really-a-half-br eed-muslin/alien overlord/whatthefuckever meme flying around the wingnutosphere is that Obama can't possibly be a legitimate 'Murrican*' because, supposedly, he's... ...wait for it... NOT CIRCUMCISED. Seriously. Actual people have expended actual time actually speculating about this actual topic. Now, of course, rational thinkers everywhere (which rules out most of the hard-right GOP base these days) would respond with two questions: 1. How in the blue peepin' hellacious eyes of Samuel W. Scratch would anybody other than his parents, his doctor, and his wife know about the Presidential member's cut or uncut status to begin with?! and 2. For the sake of Saint Fuck of Fucksenbourg**, what the hell difference would it make? It's not as if men in America with both cut and uncut penises do not exist, side by side, living in perfect penile harmony. This is so risible, so laughable, so beyond absurd, that the phrase "grasping at straws" doesn't begin to cover it. (And brings to mind rather less than welcome mental images, so let's not go there.) My first thought, when I read this? "Wow...the shadowy corporate overlords orchestrating these insane shitstorms sure are getting awfully cocky..."
* As opposed to Merkin, who is not appearing in this picture. ** Saint Fuck of Fucksenbourg is the patron saint of fivenication. It's one better than fournication... Tags: batshit insanity, humor, politics
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Talking about Engrish with Dubbug: Dubbug: I like when I went to china Dubbug: they had kfc there Dubbug: you know kfc uses the slogan "we do chicken right"? Flewellyn: Yes? Dubbug: they translated it to chinese Dubbug: exactly like that Flewellyn: How did it come out? Dubbug: but if you read it, it means "it's right for us to be prostitutes" Tags: chat transcripts, dubbug, humor
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LimpingPigeon: http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/CamelSpiderPoster.jpgLimpingPigeon: WHY HAVE THOSE THINGS NOT BEEN DRIVEN TO EXTINCTION!!!!??? Flewellyn: GAAH Flewellyn: Probably because they're very successful predators? LimpingPigeon: THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO EXIST!!! Flewellyn: By whom? LimpingPigeon: ? Flewellyn: Who should do the allowing? LimpingPigeon: ME!!! Flewellyn: Ohh. LimpingPigeon: And I say that those things are just UNCALLED FOR! Flewellyn: Why? Flewellyn: I think they're kinda cool. LimpingPigeon: Because they're huge and icky! Flewellyn: So is Donald Trump, but... LimpingPigeon: ... you win Tags: chat transcripts, humor, random
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So I was talking to my friend Kitling, and... Yeah. Flewellyn: I feel weird. Kitling: you are weird Flewellyn: Well, yes, but I mean in a bad way. Kitling: wait... are you growing extra limbs of some sort? Flewellyn: Vaguely nauseated. Flewellyn: Oh, uh, let me check. Flewellyn: Hmm...no, doesn't seem so. Kitling: cause that usually feels pretty odd Flewellyn: Indeed. Kitling: are you pregnant? Flewellyn: Err, pretty sure I can't be. Kitling: you never know Kitling: but we'll put it at the bottom of the list Flewellyn: Yeah... Flewellyn: Although it would be funny for me to buy a pregnancy test. Kitling: heh. yeah Flewellyn: It's similar to the idea from XKCD, of standing in the produce section of the supermarket with a can of lube, looking contemplative. Kitling: heeheehee Flewellyn: Or, try to find the combination of items that most freaks out a cashiere. Kitling: heehee Flewellyn: XKCD's winner so far: home pregnancy test and coat hanger. Kitling: diapers and a ball-peen hammer Flewellyn: Uhhhhh... Flewellyn: *brain breaks* Kitling: *wins* Flewellyn: Or, how about a nail gun and a can of lube? Kitling: *falls over laughing* Kitling: lube and a dog-training video Flewellyn: GAAAH Kitling: heh Flewellyn: Lube with just about anything, really. Kitling: true Flewellyn: Helium canister and a box of condoms. Kitling: though in portland you can get lube and the things that are supposed to go with it at about 1,000,000 places Flewellyn: Oh, I got one. Kitling: we have the highest per-capita porn stores and strip clubs in the country Flewellyn: A nature video and a big box of tissues. Kitling: ....odd Flewellyn: Like you were going to jerk off while watching it. Kitling: not freaky. just seems like you'd be crying a lot Flewellyn: Oh. Kitling: add in lotion, then, ok Kitling: remember, it doesn't have to just be two things Flewellyn: Condoms, baby oil, and a jackhammer. Kitling: HA Kitling: are we sticking to the grocery store? Flewellyn: A shovel, quicklime, and a set of handcuffs. Kitling: niiiiice Flewellyn: Oh, and a box of ammo. Flewellyn: Okay, now, that one gets a bit too disturbing. Kitling: nah, cause you could jsut beat someone to death with the shovel Flewellyn: *thinks* Kitling: adding the ammo shows intent, and is enough for a warrant Flewellyn: True. Flewellyn: Of course, you wouldn't actually have done anything, so the police would find nothing. Flewellyn: Still, a bit too disturbing. Flewellyn: I prefer to go with the "pervert" idea. Kitling: true, but if you're buying AS IF you were going to do something, you'd have thought of that Kitling: oh, yeah, I'm much more about being a pervert than being violent Flewellyn: A staple gun, a caulking gun, and a box of adult diapers. Kitling: ......aaaand you win Tags: chat transcripts, humor
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So, the Atlantic Monthly and National Journal, bastions of traditional media, conducted a survey of prominent members of the news media whether they thought the internet was helping or hurting journalism. Three guesses which one they said. The first two don't count. That's right: Media Insiders Say Internet Hurts Journalism was the Atlantic's headline. Color me shocked. I found this story on Shakesville, in a story Melissa McEwan had titled "Maybe You Should Try Not Sucking". Other suggested headlines from the comment thread: "Media Insiders Admit to Cluelessness About How to Make Money on the Internet", "Media Insiders Resent Being Caught And Called Out On Their Pathetic, Lazy, Biased Screed Masquerading As News. Details at 11.", and my own, "Media Insiders Hate Competition, Being Shown Up For Falling Down On Job". To be fair, they are right in one sense: the internet IS hurting journalism, if you define "journalism" the way they do, namely "pronouncements of our opinions as The Truth From On High". The internet has done a huge number on their monopoly on public discourse, and they're really mad about that. They're important people, dammit! They know this is true because they say so! Put more generally, they've defined journalism as "what it is that we do, as Important Journalists". Since they have, over the past thirty years, stopped doing actual journalism (in the dictionary sense) and taken on the role of blathering opinion-spouters who speak in soundbites and often don't bother actually researching, that, in their mind, is journalism. So when people on the internet start actually doing research, and presenting nuanced and detailed views of the world, it feels like an attack on their world of "journalism", and they react with hostility. Because, hey, if just any person can present opinions and soundbites, and amateurs on the internet can present real journalism better than they can, then that might mean that they really aren't as Important and Vital as they insist they are! Why, then the common people might start doing journalism, and we can't have that! Tags: humor, topical
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I think this is the funniest Onion News Network video ever. In fact, I think it's the funniest thing the Onion has ever done. Unusual for a YouTube video, the comment thread is great. There were a number of literate people there making literary jokes. I saved a few highlights: ElusiveJo (3 days ago)My flight was once redirected to Kafka due to a paperwork error. The x-ray screening machine carved my alleged crime on my back, and there was a giant cockroach going through my luggage. It was worse than George Orwell in Oceania, which at least gets things moving quickly. VariedInterest (3 days ago)I don't know, last time I travelled with Orwell Int. they said I was to get 3 coffee rations during my flight, but when I got on board, they insisted that my coffee ration had been RAISED to TWO. When I tried to explain the misunderstanding, they tied me to a table and electrocuted me until I agreed that the basic truths of mathematics did not exist. Though, that was still slightly better than the Burroughs Airline, where I was impregnated by the manager who was a mutant crab monster.
merdufer (2 days ago)I was at the Kierkegaard Hospital once and heard the doctors in the hall way discussing whether it would be acceptable to sacrifice their favorite patient to God even though doing so is unethical according to the social norm. I became so afraid I just jumped out of the window from the eighth floor but somehow landed safely on the ground.
CJAnonymous (1 day ago)Say what you want about it, it's still a hell of a lot better than Lovecraft Metropolitan. My family hasn't stopped screaming since I picked them up from there. jackball74 (1 day ago)Yeah - I asked if they served fish in the food court and got dozens of flat, cold stares.
johhnyturbo (23 hours ago)The Doestoevsky hotel is at least better then the Satre Hotel in France. I swear, staying in the rooms there is like staying in Hell. merdufer (19 hours ago)you can't blame the hotel for having bad roommates. Tags: humor
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In response to President Obama's budget plan, the Republicans in Congress have up to now mostly sniped and griped, not offering any sort of alternative. Today, however, that changed. House Minority Leader John Bohner (R-Bizarro World) and other House Republicans today called a press conference to announce their budget proposal. The details? Well, there really weren't any, except for one thing. Guess what that thing was? If you said " A massive tax cut for the wealthy!", you win a gallon of dog shampoo! That's right, folks: the GOP's idea for how to fix the economy broken by years of deregulation and favoritism towards the wealthy is to favor the wealthy even more!
Under the Republican plan, the top marginal tax rate would be slashed from 35 to 25 percent, facilitating a dramatic transfer of wealth up the economic scale. Anyone making more than a $100,000 would pay the top rate; those under would pay 10 percent.
Which is such a good idea in a depression sorry, recession. And get this: the proposal had absolutely nothing else in it. Even the Washington press corps, renowned for being both lazy and solicitous of conservatives, called Bohner (is it pronounced "boner"? It so should be) on this problem. From the link: "Are you going to have any further details on this today?" the first [reporter] asked.
"On what?" asked Boehner.
"There's no detail in here," noted the reporter.
Answered Boehner: "This is a blueprint for where we're going. Are you asking about some other document?"
A second reporter followed up: "What about some numbers? What about the out-year deficit? What about balancing the budget? How are you going to do it?"
"We'll have the alternative budget details next week," promised Boehner. They called a press conference to announce a "detailed road-to-recovery plan" in which none of the details had actually been worked out. They didn't even have numbers to put to the budget basics. Their entire plan, as presented to the press and the country, is "give the rich more money". He also called a budget "just a bunch of numbers", and said that it "really is a one-page document" in general practice. What a SMRT guy they've got leading the GOP in the House, nu? I really want someone proposing our national budget who refers to it as "just a bunch of numbers" and thinks one page is enough detail to describe how the entire federal government will spend its money for a year! While I laugh, though, I am still filled with rage. These idiots who have enabled the idiots on Wall Street to wreck our economy, have decided that the best way to fix the problems they created is...keep doing what they did that created the problems. Where is Madame Guillotine now that the people need her? Tags: humor, politics
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LimpingPigeon: Drawing rings on a planet should be simple! LimpingPigeon: Why is it not simple??? Flewellyn: I don't know. LimpingPigeon: And what's the deal with Uranus? Flewellyn: What do you mean? Flewellyn: Tilted on its axis? LimpingPigeon: With it's crazy sideways rotation axis and shit. Flewellyn: I don't know. LimpingPigeon: Where does it get off? Flewellyn: Hehehe. LimpingPigeon: Why can't it just rotate like the other planets? Flewellyn: Not sure. I think the latest theory is that some other object moved past it and perturbed its orbit. LimpingPigeon: Well, it should just get over it and get its act together. LimpingPigeon: I mean, we can't just have planets spinning sideways all over the place. LimpingPigeon: What will the other solar systems think? LimpingPigeon: It's how rumors start. Flewellyn: They will think "Jessi's a geek!" LimpingPigeon: Gliese 581c is a notorious gossip, you know. Tags: humor, random
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So I got to see my old college friend, Monique, today. I had not seen her since college, which was quite some time ago, and so we hung out and ate food and talked of many things. At one point, she groused about fluffy, flakey neopagans who adopt Native American identities and practices in an attempt to be "special" (Monique's family is Lakota and Mandan). I laughed so hard at what she said, that I decided it must be shared here: *squeaky voice* "Hi, I'm Rainbow Flowerfarter Woman, and this is my husband, Chafe Turdgargler Warrior!" Tags: humor, random
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